"With your feet in the air and your head on the ground
Try this trick and spin it, yeah
Your head will collapse
But there's nothing in it
And you'll ask yourself
Where is my mind?"
Try this trick and spin it, yeah
Your head will collapse
But there's nothing in it
And you'll ask yourself
Where is my mind?"
Where Is My Mind? - The Pixies (Covered by Sunday Girl)
A question I have asked myself in the past, but more recently in the past 2-3 days since my parents informed me of some very surprising news on Monday informing me that my cousin, just 3 years younger than myself, had committed suicide. They did not have many details regarding how or why at the time.
Since that call, I have debated whether or not this would be an appropriate post, given the situation, but I figure I have already shared some of my darkest details, so why stop now. I will go into small details but will not name anybody or the circumstances behind the decision made by this person.
The news stunned me as in my eyes my cousin seemed to be living a much happier life than me. At least that was the impression I got the last time I saw him, several years ago, and from hearing random things the few times I decide to be a good family member and visit for a holiday. Yeah, I know, I am a horrible person!
Not sure why, but my initial thought was guilt. I think this feeling stemmed from the fact that my cousin and I were more alike than I thought and some of the guilt was from being a horrible son, brother, cousin and uncle to everybody. But mostly, I had a feeling of guilt because initially I felt like I could have done something. OK, maybe not done something to prevent this but at least been able able to speak with him. I could have assured him that he is not the only one that is depressed or in therapy. Though in another state, I could have been that person he could reach out to in his moments of darkness. I am not sure if that would be like the blind leading the blind but it is what crossed my mind.
Not sure why, but my initial thought was guilt. I think this feeling stemmed from the fact that my cousin and I were more alike than I thought and some of the guilt was from being a horrible son, brother, cousin and uncle to everybody. But mostly, I had a feeling of guilt because initially I felt like I could have done something. OK, maybe not done something to prevent this but at least been able able to speak with him. I could have assured him that he is not the only one that is depressed or in therapy. Though in another state, I could have been that person he could reach out to in his moments of darkness. I am not sure if that would be like the blind leading the blind but it is what crossed my mind.
I am not sure where this post is really going as I have had numerous rambling thoughts in my head over the last two days. This is actually my second attempt at writing this. I guess the biggest thing for all to understand is you truly never know what demons that a person might be dealing with deep inside, despite outward appearances. And I get that family and friends will be trying to make sense of this particular situation but I will be brutally honest, only from my own experience in receiving treatment, you will never be able to make sense of it. And the worst part, while probably a correct statement, it won't make anyone feel any better about the situation.
What can we do?
To be honest....... I really don't know other than trying to be as understanding as possible when somebody does reach out to us if they reach out at all. And quite often a person will reach out in kind of an inconspicuous way so we need to do our best to read these signals. Here are some things to look for in a person who we may feel is in depressed state or maybe even suicidal:
- Sometimes that reply of I'm fine is a scream for help!
- General irritability and fatigue
- Anxiety
- Excessive drinking or drug use
- Suicidal thoughts
- Trouble making decisions
- General stress
- Isolating oneself from friends and family
No comments:
Post a Comment