Thursday, December 29, 2022

Understanding My Diagnosis


As I move forward with this blog, I believe it is important for everyone to understand my diagnosis on the depression spectrum. I have been diagnosed with Persistent Depressive Disorder (PDD).  Through therapy, I have learned this is something I have dealt with my entire life. Originally, PDD was known as Dysthymia. 

What is PDD? 

Persistent depressive disorder is a continuous, long-term form of depression. You may feel sad and empty, lose interest in daily activities and have trouble getting things done. You may also have low self-esteem, feel like a failure and feel hopeless. These feelings last for years and may interfere with your relationships, school, work and daily activities.

If you have persistent depressive disorder, you may find it hard to be upbeat even on happy occasions. You may be described as having a gloomy personality, constantly complaining or not able to have fun. Persistent depressive disorder is not as severe as major depression, but your current depressed mood may be mild, moderate or severe.

Because persistent depressive disorder is long term, coping with depression symptoms can be challenging. A combination of talk therapy and medicine can be effective in treating this condition.

Symptoms

Persistent depressive disorder symptoms usually come and go over a period of years. The intensity of symptoms can change over time. But symptoms usually don't disappear for more than two months at a time. Also, major depression episodes may occur before or during persistent depressive disorder.

Symptoms of persistent depressive disorder can cause major problems in your life and may include:

  • Sadness, emptiness or feeling down.
  • Loss of interest in daily activities.
  • Tiredness and lack of energy.
  • Low self-esteem, self-criticism or feeling you're not capable.
  • Trouble focusing clearly and trouble making decisions.
  • Problems getting things done well and on time.
  • Quickly becoming annoyed, impatient or angry.
  • Avoidance of social activities.
  • Feelings of guilt and worries over the past.
  • Poor appetite or overeating.
  • Sleep problems.
  • Hopelessness.
As I return to this release and my therapy, I will continue to update you on my progress as well as how I got here. 

Yesterday, I began my return to therapy and it was an amazing and mentally draining session. But I know it will help me to accept this new found feeling of true happiness! 



Friday, December 23, 2022

1609 DAYS


"Now You Are Free" - Augustines 

1609 Days..... That is how long it has been since my last post. 

Some big things have happened since then.....

  • Moved to Greensboro, NC to take on role of Director of Triathlon, Cross Country and Track & Field at Guilford College (2018-2022) 
  • Covid 19 & lockdowns 
  • Raced triathlons except 2020 (Covid 19)
  • Moved to Newberry, SC to take on role of Head Women's Triathlon Coach at Newberry College (2022-present) 
  • Stopped seeing a therapist and taking Lexapro, maybe not the best thing
Yet somethings remain the same despite not posting.....

  • Still suffering from Persistent Depressive Disorder 
  • Still wanting to allow myself to be happy 
  • Still can't get out of my head when things are good 
But why start again now? 

One thing I realized is that I should have never stopped as it was a great outlet for me in addition to my therapy sessions. I won't get into all the reasons I stopped but the major one at that time was the stigma attached to mental health disorders. 

But now, with some encouragement and some inspiration, it is time to start blogging again. I will just say that I believe I have experienced what it is like to be happy, really happy, and I hate to resort to my old habit of ruminating about reasons why I don't deserve this happiness. 

In addition to blogging, I will be returning to therapy on January 3, 2023. I know I will not beat these old habits by just blogging alone and I will need some coaching through this. But I am motivated to continue this feeling of happiness and unforced smiles! 

Stay Tuned!